i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
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