Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
