ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
