im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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