i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
