Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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