I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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