i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
