we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
