it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
