I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
