just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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