At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
