You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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