What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
