I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
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