By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
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Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize