I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
