Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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