I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
