well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize