it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
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He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
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Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm gonna fight the coyote
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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