I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
