So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
