oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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