he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
