I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Actions speak louder than pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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