Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
