im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
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I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
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rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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