My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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