Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
