drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
