Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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