I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
