left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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