I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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