Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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