Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
