when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
