please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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