i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
