Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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