I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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