4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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