plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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