no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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