How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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