I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
