Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
