she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
