yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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