She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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