So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
