Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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