Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
