we should wear snuggies to the strip club
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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