yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
