last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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