WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
