We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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