That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
