I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
