I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
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