My brain says no but my pants say off.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
