Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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