Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
