You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
