I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
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