Is it normal to miss your booty call?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
