Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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