I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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