her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
