you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
